Albus—

阿不思——

My watch is broken entirely. I don't know the date anymore. I don't care. The little upstart's coming for me? Delightful! Best news all decade. & I simply love how you don't even bother telling me to lie. You know I'll do it for you, don't you?

我的手表完完全全是坏了。我再不知道日期了。但我不在乎。那自大的小鬼来找我了？快哉快哉！这十年来最妙的消息。以及——我真的爱煞你竟不费心对我说谎的模样了。你很清楚我会为你做这件事的，对吧？

FIFTY YEARS, ALBUS. FIFTY [illegible scrawl] How am I supposed to stand if you're gone? If you're broken, if you're finally as mad as you've always liked to pretend to be? Bad enough when you didn't write. Bad enough when you went silent for this or that, because you were too busy to bother, because do something you thought I wanted you to why would I want you to, because you had no time.

五. 十. 年，阿. 不. 思. 。五. 十. [潦草得难以辨认]如果你先一步走了，我该怎么忍受这一切？抑或是如果你伤痕累累，如果你最后如你总喜欢伪装的那样疯掉了呢？你不写信的日子已经够糟了。你因这样或那样的原因销声匿迹已经够糟了，因为你忙于为种种麻烦奔波，因为你总误以为我想让你做什么事，但你却不想你的想法有无道理。因为你已没有时间。

Always no time. Even now you say you're running out. STOP LYING TO ME. TURN AROUND AND FACE ME.

永远没有时间。甚至是现在你都这么嚷嚷。停. 下. 对. 我. 没. 完. 没. 了. 的. 谎. 言. 吧. 。转. 过. 身. 来. 面. 对. 我. 。

Voldemort? Send him up here. SEND THE LITTLE SERPENT UP HERE. You taught me Occlumency. I'll lie through my broken teeth and laugh in his face— oh, it's been too long since I've had a good face-laughing, the way too long, I haven't even seen a face years— & he'll make it quick and clean, won't he, because I'm supposed to be afraid of Death? Death who we sought to master? Death who would be our third partner in hallowing this world? Do you think he'd be ashamed to be caught red-handed in a simple mercy-killing? I want to laugh & laugh & laugh at him—

伏地魔？送他过来吧。送. 那. 条. 小. 蛇. 过. 来. 吧. 。你教过我大脑封闭木。我虽是齿落舌钝，但还是会极力扯谎并就着他的脸嘲笑他的——哦，自我上一次肆意大笑已过了太久，物换星移，我很多年来甚至不见一张活人的脸了——他会干得干净利落的，对吧，因为我该会害怕死亡？我们曾试图掌控的死亡？应该成为我们圣化这个世界途中第三位伙伴的死亡？你觉得他会耻于在实施一场简单安乐死时被逮个正着么？我想要用劲、倾力、疯狂嘲笑他——

You taught me Occlumency,in Godric's Hollow, a millennia ago. Your mind was red gold and restoring fire. It was agony to have to block it out. Your fingers were long and slender on your wand. We were together, the world was good, the water ran clear, and then she died—

你教过我大脑封闭术，在戈德里克山谷，距今如隔数千载。你的思想烈火重燃，丹金焕彩。不得不被排除在外真是一种苦楚。你握着魔杖的手指纤细而修长。彼时我们咫尺相依，山谷间滢溪潺潺，炊烟悠悠，然后是，她死了——

His mind won't taste good, will it? I'll not swoon simply from seeing another human being? I'll do right by you for once? & you'll take It to your grave years from now when you finally bother to shuffle on & change the world yet again, you pompous, beautiful arse.

他的思想尝来一定不甚美味，对吧？我不会只因为看见另一个活人就激动到晕厥吧？我终于可以好好待你一次了吗？而再过几年，你终于肯勉强去应付，去再一次改变这个世界后，也将带着“它”在坟茔里长眠了，你这个自大、美丽的混账黄子。

I can laugh even under torture, remember? He'll never get It. Look at me, Albus. I've given up & gone mad. Sob into your sherry all you want now. I'd always faintly hoped you'd have the guts to own up to me—

我甚至能在折磨下大笑呢，记否？他永远得不到“它”。看着我，阿不思。我已经彻底放弃了，疯掉了。伏在你的雪利酒里尽情哭泣吧。我以前还总是隐隐希望着你能有勇气向我承认一切呢——

You ask after remorse. Well, I've gone mad now, so it's quite all right to tell you. Decades, Albus, decades sick with guilt. Muggle shrieks in my sleep. Thoughts of the lines of the dead I sent forth, the huddles of their families I left behind. Bodies turned under for mulch. There was a girl with a red shawl who wouldn't stop screaming. She's been dead fifty years and she won't stop screaming. Why do you think I clung to you so? You were better than me, more or less.

你问起忏悔。行，我现在已经彻彻底疯了，所以告诉你也不甚要紧了。几十年，阿不思，几十年被内疚所折磨。麻瓜的尖叫在我的梦里环绕。思绪种种，有我运出的成排尸体，有他们聚在一起被我抛在身后的家属。尸体被翻入土中，埋了。那里曾有一个围红披肩的女孩在不停地尖叫。她已死了五十年了可仍在不停尖叫——永远不会停下了。为什么你会感觉我拼命抱着你不放？你究竟比我要好，或多或少。

Of course, you knew that all along. That I regret, hate myself, hate what I did. Just like you knew that I would die for your idiot plans for It. Just like you knew that I'd write back when you wanted me to. Just like you knew that I've loved you since the day we met.

自然，你一直都明白的。我忏悔，恨我自己，恨我做过的一切。正如你明白我会为了你对“它”的那个白痴计划而死。正如你明白我会在你希望的时候回信。正如你明白在我们相遇的那一天，我就爱上了你。

& you must kill the boy & you mustn't care about me. Potter & I your sacrificial lambs, burnt offerings to Voldemort & the greater good.

你必须杀了那个男孩。你也不准关心我。波特和我，只是你燔祭仪式上的羔羊，为消灭伏地魔，为更伟大的利益。

But what am I saying? You are a charming old man, good-hearted, even sweet. & I am a lonely, repenting old sinner. There were Muggles marched to my outstretched wand. Muggles lined up before It, bare feet scuffing panic marks in the earth until I smiled, cold, raised It, sent green light sheeting like the aurora. Beautiful. Thrilling. Something rigs in my gut every time I think of it.

但我在胡诌些什么？你是一个迷人的老家伙，心地善良，甚至可怜可爱。我却是一个孤独的，忏悔着的老罪人。麻瓜们被押着齐步走至我伸出的魔杖前。麻瓜们在“它”面前排成一队，慌乱着，赤脚在泥土上擦出无章的印迹，直到我冷笑，将“它”举起，射出的绿色光线倾泻若绚丽的极光。那样美艳。那样令人震颤。每回思至此，就总有什么在撕裂我的内脏。

These are my last few sheets of parchment. I'll write on the walls. I hope the Voldemort brat comes before that house elf dies and leaves me to starve, it'll be a better death. In one room for fifty years, in one room forever, I scrape my fingers raw on the inscriptions over the door &—

这是我仅剩的几张羊皮纸了。很快就要失去通信的能力。我希望那个伏地魔小鬼能在那个家养小精灵死前来到，这样我还能有一个比被丢在这里饿死更好的死法。五十年在一个房间里，永远在一个房间里，因一遍遍摩挲门上的铭文擦伤了自己的手指——

Tell me what's going on. Get a bloody transcription quill if you have to, if you don't have time to write, tell me what in hell is going on, just don't leave me here. I let you win DON'T LEAVE ME HERE—

告诉我正在发生什么。如果迫不得已，如果你实在没时间写信，就弄只该死的转录羽毛笔来，告诉我究竟在发生什么，千万不要把我丢在这里。我让你赢了不. 要. 把. 我. 丢. 在. 这. 里. ——

Isn't remorse how you reintegrate a Horcrux? Is that why you asked? Why else would you care? What other use is the emotion that cripples you? Remorse. Caution. I would beg you to ride the wind with me, Albus, but we're far, far too old and broken.

你重塑一个魂器的方式不就是悔恨吗？这就是你发问的原因吗？不然你又怎么让自己关心他呢？这种让你崩溃的感情还有什么用呢？悔恨。谨慎。我想求你同我一起乘奔御风，阿不思，但我们实在枯槁至极，残破不堪了。

ANSWER ME ALBUS DON'T LEAVE ME HERE IF I WRITE IT IN MY BLOOD AND BEG WILL YOU NOTICE?

回. 答. 我. 阿. 不. 思. 不. 要. 把. 我. 丢. 在. 这. 里. 如. 果. 我. 用. 我. 的. 血. 写. 下. 这. 封. 信. 恳. 求. 你. 你. 是. 否. 会. 瞥. 见. 我. 呢. ？

But I've never quite known what you think of me, have I? Only that you do not hate me. Albus Dumbledore, do you even know what you do to people?

但我一直不十分清楚你对我的看法，对吧？知道的仅仅是，你不恨我。阿不思·邓布利多，你甚至不知道这对人们意味着什么吗？

But you must…

但你必须……

My hair's a ragged, tangled mess. The rats have crept back in— well, they did that some-odd years ago, but they've gotten bolder, chewing up my books. I have their blood in my teeth. No, Mr. Voldemort, I never had It, piss off & die already, it's not too bad after all, see, I'll do it right now for somebody I love. Die for you.

我的头发蓬乱，形容难辨。老鼠们爬了回来——好吧，它们大概几年前就来了，但现在它们变得更猖獗，嚼碎了我的书。我卷入了与它们的纠缠，现在牙齿上还沾着他们的血。不，伏地魔先生，我从未拥有过“它”，滚开，去死吧——可这到底不算太坏，看，我马上就将为我爱的人做这件事了。为你饮下死亡的醇醪。

But I suppose you think Dark wizards can't love, don't you?

但我猜你向来认为黑巫师缺乏爱的能力，对吧？

Maybe you're wrong.

或许你是错了。

Out of parchment. Not using another sheet. Send more? Don't leave me here.

羊皮纸已用完。不想再取床单。寄一些来？不要把我丢在这里。

译者注：

1：You thought I wanted you to why would I want you to（因为你总误以为我想让你做什么事，但你却不想你的想法有无道理）：这句话的语法颇奇怪（或是我才疏学浅）勉强作“you thought I wanted you to (do something) / why would I want you to (do that)”解

2：I'll lie through any broken teeth：lie through one's teeth意为故意说谎，但第六封信中GG曾提到自己的牙齿被警卫打断（这一帮落井下石的人也是真的坏），故broken teeth有双关含义，可以看出我译得很牵强

3：I'll write on the walls（很快就要失去通信的能力）：这句话直译“我将写在墙上。”突兀且莫名其妙（偏别的译者的注解也看不明白），就不取双关而作引申意解，即出自《圣经》的典the writing is on the wall，意为“不祥之兆，显而易见的危机或结局”。

4：transcription quill多译为速记羽毛笔，但transcription是将口述转为文字，故译为转录羽毛笔，且《哈利·波特》中速记羽毛笔的英文为Quick-Quotes Quill。但哈4中丽塔的那支笔似乎也是自动记录文字（还自带歪曲事实特效），故transcription quill似乎也可能是速记羽毛笔的另一种形式（毕竟《哈利·波特》中未见此笔型）

5：I have their blood in my teeth（我卷入了与它们的纠缠，现在牙齿上还沾着他们的血）双关，形容自己刚卷入带流血性的冲突事件，而第六封信中GG提到用牙齿剥了三只老鼠的皮以儆效尤，故也取字面义。

6：GG的忏悔最早可追溯到第八封信。

P. S. 英文部分beautiful arse字母间多出来的空格是晋江搞的鬼