February 2nd, 1982

1982年2月2日

Gellert,

盖勒特，

My sincerity is mine, to do with as I will; if I spend it on an old, angry friend, that is my choice. And—I have more of it than you think, I swear, somehow I do. I always try to be better.

我的真诚是属于我自己的，如何使用也全凭我自己的心意；如果我把它花在一个怒气冲冲的老朋友那里，也是我的选择。而且——我发誓，无论我如何使用它，我拥有的真诚都比你想象的要多。我只是想变得更好一点。

As for England spawning a Dark Lord—

至于英格兰是怎么孕育出一个黑魔王的——

I'd had my suspicions, ever since I first met him. He was eleven; I was sent to contact him, in the Muggle world, inform him of his acceptance into Hogwarts and a world he'd never known. Even then, he was hungry, suspicious, cruel just under the surface. Off-putting. Sorted into Slytherin, and I wondered; and I thought of keeping an eye on him. But I was such a meddling, sanctimonious old bastard, wasn't I? Always poking my long broken nose into other people's business, always making things worse when I did.

自从我第一次见到他时，我就一直保持着怀疑。他那时十一岁；我被派去麻瓜世界接他，通知他他被霍格沃茨录取了，被一个他闻所未闻的世界接纳了。甚至在那个时候，他就渴求，多疑，单纯的外表下隐藏着残忍，让人避而远之。如我所想，他被分到了斯莱特林；而我也一直留心着他。但我本来就是这样一个爱管闲事的，伪善的老混蛋，不是吗？总是把我弯曲的长鼻子伸到别人那里，总是把一切都搅得更糟了。

He learned, he grew, into what he was to become, at Hogwarts, even as I taught. He made his first Horcrux right under my selfsame nose, and I wasn't paying attention. Because Europe was groaning under your yoke; because I wrestled with the necessity of challenging you; because I didn't want to meddle in yet another child's life.

他学习，成长，慢慢露出本性，在霍格沃茨，甚至是在我的教导下。他就在我自以为是的鼻子底下给自己做了第一个魂器，而我甚至没有发觉。因为那时欧洲正在你的枷锁下哀嚎呻吟；因为我纠结于是否要和你决战；因为我不想再插手另一个人的生活。

Oh, I tell myself it wouldn't have made a difference if I had. Or that it would have made things worse. But my country fell to a Dark Lord until—yes, stopped by an infant—because I didn't stop him soon enough, because I didn't stay his hand when he was still a child, still learning his ways. Because I was trying to be better.

唉，我告诉我自己，即使我当时插手也不会有什么用，或许，甚至会让事情变得更糟。但是我的国家陷入了一个黑魔王的泥沼中，直到——是的，一个婴儿阻止了这一切——因为我没有及时的阻止他，因为当他还是个孩子的时候我没有让他住手，仍让他按照他自己的方式学习。因为我想要变得“更好 ”。

In a way, it seems the thing I miss the most about those months we had together, however selfishly, is how I could let you command me. Abdicate responsibility to one I trusted—however mad I may have been to trust you. Abdicate responsibility at all; it's not a choice I have anymore. And you've been left with no responsibilities whatsoever.

从某种程度上来说，我们在一起的那几个月是我最怀念的时光，但我太自私，以至于我放任自己被你主宰。把所有责任推给一个我信任的人——虽然我可能是疯了才会信任你，完全丢掉了应负的责任；在此之前我从没有这么做过。然后，你不负半点责任地离开了。

I suppose we each envy the other. And I suppose we have nothing left to say to each other but denials and rejections. I—wish it were otherwise, at times.

我想我们都在羡慕着对方。而且，我想我们之间除了否认和拒绝之外再没什么可谈的。我——有时真希望现实并非如此。